I'm a Tent Maker

Things I'm wrestling with:

• Christology - Who is Jesus? Who did people think he was? Who did he think he was?
• Global Trends - A new mind for India, Iran, Europe, other parts of the world.
• Fall Break - Girls are dumb. (Just kidding, but really.)
• Backpacking Retreat - If (Girls are dumb) then {Screw it; Leave the country;}
• Missions Conference - There really is a place for me.

This semester has probably been the most difficult in terms of new ideas and challenging concepts that affect how I live. I'll focus on a few that I've wrestled with lately.


I had a lot of time to think over fall break.  I went from holding out for some relationship to develop, to becoming excited at the idea of graduating single. Break was quiet, but not restful.

The guy's RA backpacking retreat on the Appalachian Trail was my rest. While physically exhausting, the steady silent trek gradually allowed my mind to become cleared. Clear of the distress, distractions, and demands that have muddied up my thoughts.

For about as long as I can remember, missions has had a place in my life. Looking to the future, I don't think my calling is being a missionary. What is a missionary? Lets put it in these terms. What would a missionary look like in the US, doing what a missionary does? You'd probably call them a church planter, or a pastor; maybe an evangelist. Yes, all Christians are called to be evangelists, but I don't see that being my full time occupation.
I write software. There is a healthy job market, a stable demand, great compensation, and plenty of opportunities for software development. I've been trained, I feel that I'm gifted, and I enjoy it.

Packing all this together, what is my place? I don't want to just take part in hit-or-miss short term mission trips and be limited to writing checks. I want to be there. What is my solution? Do my work, abroad. I can do my type of work anywhere, so why limit myself to the US? I could work for a multi-national corporation and still do what I enjoy, while being active in a church. Its not at very different from what  living and working in the states would look like, but I'll be "making tents" in another part of the world.

5 Year plan:
• Graduate
• Pay off school
• Move abroad

Well, that's a great conclusion but now the question is where? Where do I get my first job and pay off my schooling?  Where do I go? These I do not yet know. It is freeing that I don't have to know yet. I'll figure that out. God has provided me with so many opportunities and options, and my task is to remain faithful and find out God's will in my life. 

Knifed

The writers and performers of The Office do a great job at capturing this moment. You can see so clearly how let down Andy is, and how Erin is totally missing what he is feeling. I didn't even pay attention to her phone conversation till the fifth time I watched this clip, I was so focused on how well Ed Helms coveys Andy's disappointment.

Realizations

I will probably not be in Michigan for much more than a week again.

I would rather be with someone then be alone.

I graduate college in just under 7 months.

I should be studying for Christology.

I am supposed to be responsible.

I have a great job.

I am forgiven.

Wow.

Your Love is Strong

Heavenly Father, you always amaze me

Let your Kingdom come in my world and in my life

Give me the food I need to live through today

And forgive me as I forgive the people that wrong me

Lead me far from temptation

Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window the birds are composing

Not a note is out of tune or out of place

I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers

Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

So why should I worry?

Why do I freak out?

God knows what I need

You know what I need

Your Love is,

Your Love is,

Your love is strong

The Kingdom of the Heavens is now advancing

Invade my heart, invade this broken town

The Kingdom of the Heavens is buried treasure

Would you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me

That you are strong

And you love me

Yes you Love me

Your Love is,

Your Love is,

Your Love is strong

Our God in Heaven

Hallowed be Thy name above all names

Your Kingdom come!

Your will be done

On earth as it is in heaven

Give us today our Daily Bread

Forgive us weary sinners

Keep us far from our vices

And Deliver us from these prisons!

Your Love is Strong, by Jon Foreman

This song has set the frame for my prayers the last few weeks. I am so amazed at God, in so many areas, I think my brain is starting to short circuit. Yesterday I was doing my handwriting of Genesis and I was just blown away by how faithful God is, how he upholds all creation, daily fulfilling his covenant with Noah.

I need His Kingdom and His gospel to come in and tear me apart. I am so proud.

I am so weak, I cannot try to plan another day without his help.

I so need forgiveness, and deliverance from temptation and sin.

I live on a mountain top. How amazing and gorgeous is that?

And yet I worry about tomorrow, how I'm performing, what certain girls might think of me. I get all worked up about stuff that has little or no significance. He knows what I really need, how I need to rely on Him.

The Lord's Prayer set to music is so much more alive in day to day life. His Love is Strong.

If I made mixed tapes (CD's), this would be a cassette (disk).

Thoughts on Life

Currently listening to: Instead of a show, by Jon Foreman

I am so happy with life. I'm more blessed then I know, and I'm so happy to be back on my mountain. I've had an busy week of RA training and New Student move-in, but it has been really fantastic.

My impression of the work of an RA is definitely different then I originally thought it would be, but I have no doubt God will give me the strength. I knew about the administrative aspect, but that really is a pretty small part of the job. I find that the biggest assignment is to be intentional about every conversation, situation, and decision that it works for the building of the residents on my hall, the college community, and that Christ is proclaimed in act and word. Man, that is so tough. I called my Dad on move-in day and he said that is really what a life of ministry is. Its really the life the Christian is called to, and I believe thats really true. Check out I Peter 3:15, it really has some great insight into this.

In other news, I've found a new favorite on-campus activity: Swimming in Jackson Pond at night. Simply fantastic.

Follow up: Man, stealing is tempting. So far so good, but dang its tough. I just want to watch this one movie once, or help out a friend and reinstall his operating system. Crud, this is hard. But Grooveshark is fantastic.

Next Post: The Sabbath, does it really matter?

When it hurts

I had an wonderful few days hanging out with my friend Laura in Delaware last weekend, and I think I'm coming off of cloud 9, so everything else seems a little dull.

On my flight home from Baltimore to Grand Rapids, I had a very thoughtful conversation with the lady sitting next to me. She started out asking me where I was from, where I went to school, and the usual stuff like that. I pulled out my student ID to show her my campus and when she saw it, she said "oh, Covenant! That's a Christian school, right? Why did you want to go there?" I got to telling her about how I wanted to be like the people I had met while visiting; people of conviction and an active faith. She asked a few questions about what my plans were after school, and other general life questions, and I went on saying I was excited about life and my options. About how I've been blessed in so many ways, and excited to see what God would have for me. She smiled and said, "I was you before. I know how that is." She now has 2 kids and is married to her 6th grade sweetheart.

The interesting part of the conversation was when she started talking about how she introduced herself as having 3 kids. She lost a brother at age 4, and seeing what it did to her parents she prayed to God her whole life, through her teenage rebellion and coming back to God, that he would not ever do that to her. In May of this year, 4 days before her due date, the umbilical cord had a quarter inch twist and her baby died. "I could have said, 'ok God, at least he is with you', if he was deformed or something, but he was perfect. I was so angry at God. 1 in 10,000. Medically, thats the statistic. I was that 1 in 10,000."

"There's a secret that God doesn't tell you when you sign up. When you're at your weakest, he teaches you what you couldn't otherwise learn."

I don't have any idea how to deal with that loss, but she has gotten over her anger toward God. Our hope is in the resurrection. That is where we place our trust so when the storms of life come, we know that we have the victory over death.